Half & Half

a day in the life of a college radio & politics junkie.

(no subject)
Usually the second of the month I'll feel myself up. Usually.

I slacked off and didn't since I think September? October? Not sure. I had to do housing inspections today so I jumped in the shower and realized something didnt feel right.

There's a lump, it feels hard, and it feels like the size of a nickel-quarter. It's hard to tell. I've had false-positives before but nothibg this big; this feels different.

I called the dr and am getting a mammogram on 2/22. I should have an answer before 3/7. I told Jason but not my parents. They know something's bothering me but havent pushed too hard.

The rational part of me knows it's nothing, probably nothing, don't need to worry. But sometimes things happened throughout the week that have just hit me hard.

We're looking to move in together this summer, which scares me. I've never lived with someone, as a couple. I'm scared I'll run. Running is safe.

I started sorting things so come June or whever moving won't suck as much and I started crying. All these yeats I've been giving my mom a hard time over how much shit she has, how she borderline hoards, and I look at my apartment and how much I have, how much would need to be sorted & packed when something happens to me, and it was hard to swallow that.

I mentally steeled myself for Jason's future- he's older than me by 6 years and he smokes roughly a pack a day. There isn't exactly guesswork involved to see how that will end. I came to terms with that likely reality. I didn't think how the reverse might go.

Part 2
After the effects of Election Day I was in shock like most folks. I'm not running around yelling "he's not my president" because the oompa loompa in chief is now our POTUS.

I held on to some hope that this would get the DNC to wake fuck up that they need Dean or someone capable who isnt Dean running them because really, who do we have for strong leadership? I love Bernie, but no. Hillary was shown what the country thinks of her, and she's fallen off the map. Warren is still best where she is but could be a sick VP. Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, and HEIDI HEITCAMP would be great to see looking to run higher. I think a woman can be president- but not Clinton again. Kammala would send the racist-sexist camps off the deep end, but I see her being like Obama- young, appealing to voters who want some fresh air, and a good new face for the party. Ok, I'm a fangirl. Klobuchar and Heitcamp would give their neck if the woods a more national spotlight, and the electoral map needs that. Biden, Patrick, or Cuomo could run I suppose.

Oh Canada
Things I shouldnt have to google: "can I get an abortion in Canada if I am not Canadian". The answer is yes, by the way.

To be clear, this just makes what the current situation is permanent. That permanency doesnt sit well with me.


Political thought November 2016-Late November 2016
I havent been in the right mindset to write about politics, but a few notable events happened since I grasped at straws trying to get my thoughts in order last time.

I went in mid-October and voted for Hillary. I fucking hate Hillary Clinton, as you all know. I trust her as much as gas station prophylactics, I don't agree with her on many things, and I don't think she would be a good president. I liked Stein, I agreed with Stein on more policies, but I'm "not a human tire fire" as the saying goes so I voted for Hillary. I hated myself for it and I felt dirty but I didn't want to throw away my vote.

On election night I broke out the celebratory Knob Creek and was watching CBC and PBS News Hour. Around 10ish Wisconsin didnt know what the fuck it was doing and couldnt seem to collectively unfuck itself. At this point I pulled out the vodka and the shots every 15 minutes began. By this time Michigan had joined Wisconsin in the shitabyss, I had turned off CBC because the Canadians were all depressed out of their minds, and I was in What The Great Goddamn Fuck mode with Savannah on messenger. I also had gone through 9+ shots, was wide awake, and really wanted tacos.

Work was closed the next day due to weather so thank god for that. Jason came by, saw the line of shot glasses and went, holy shit.

There were a lot of people freaking the fuck out, more upset on the internet at age 30+ than people age 20+ in 2004, which irritated me. I was a pretty damn angry and emotional democrat in 2004. I feel like facebook exascerbates shit. In 2004 I was worried about my rights, our foreign policy, and the environment. In 2017 I still am. And there was so much HATE and self righteousness. GROW UP AND GET ANGRY.

To Be Continued.

Political thoughts from last week.
My friend A. and I are very close, except on politics. I debated her in high school, and she was as passionate and angry at 17 and 18 as I was but on a different "side." We both agree we HATE our choices but we roll with what we got. She wasn't delighted but was supporting Cruz. I wasn't delighted but was supporting Bernie. We both shared tear emojis when our candidates didn't make it.

We both are social hot button issue voters. We both don't want more war- her husband was in Iraq twice in the National Guard. For her, abortion is murder, and a choice that should never be made. For me, abortion is murder but a choice someone should be allowed to make for themselves, and a decision not to be made lightly. She believes in personhood, I don't. I support equality for the lgbt etc community and she sees it as special rights and against what God deemed natural.

We don't talk politics except we both hate our candidates. But she and another bestie from high school who is more alt-right posted a video and she said, "finally, something showing why I'm unfortunately still with this guy." My friend isn't a dumb hick with no education who is racist and is a "nazi." She was top of her class with me in high school, top of her class in college, and is very informed. She knows her candidate sucks. I love her to pieces because of her wit and her empathy - something we liberals forget "the other side" have.

She is voting for Trump because of the supreme court and because she opposes abortion.

These are two good reasons to not vote for Hillary if you're conservative. Hillary is pro-choice and you can bet her selections for the court will lean at least a little left.

I know that this election cycle sucks. I know that we are all tired and miserable and sick of this shit. I know we all have at least one friend who doesn't agree with us politically. And I know your relationship with them may not be the same as mine with my friend. But remember when this is over that vitriol, not apathy, is eating our country alive.

Rise above it and be good to each other.

just end it already.
Can we just vote now and be done with this? Seriously, what an awful election. I hate everyone.


I havent written about politics in a while. I haven't wanted to, honestly. The whole thing has me sick.

This year will be my fourth presidential election, and the first election I have done absolutely NO volunteering/campaigning for whatsoever. I love political fever, but not this year. This year I just, fuck me, no.

I don't even, but I want to document this. This is such an important year and the fact is, ten or twenty or thirty years ago I want to be able to look back at this shitshow and remember how I felt.

Trump and Clinton are the official candidates. Feel The Bern is over. Feel The Johnson is in if you like Libertarians and Greater Good Not Lesser Evil is Dr. Jill Stein.

Trump is a piece of shit. http://www.cnbc.com/2016/08/03/first-read-gop-trump-go-from-unraveling-to-break-glass-mode.html This article in 20 years will sum it up well. I predict Paul Ryan will run in 2020 as a strong and good candidate for President and someone who could do bipartisan work. I am sure Chris Christie and Rubio will try again, too. But Trump is sickening. He makes fun of the disabled, has no respect for differing opinions, doesnt know what the fuck he is doing, and holds grudges as badly as my mother does.

Clinton has been dragged through the mud for decades. I have better respect for her than I did 3 months ago, but I'm sick of the bullshit history rewrite being forced down our throats. She is not the first female presidential nominee. She's a fucking hawk. She voted for Iraq and wasnt behind marriage equality until after Obama threw his support behind it. There are three reasons I am voting for her come November:
1. Not Trump
2. In the event of an attack/war/bullshit, I think she is the only person who has a chance of not being a fucking embarrassment (as opposed to the abilities of her opponents).
3. I am thinking of the best interest of my friends and others.

Jill Stein- If I was a selfish bitch I would vote for Jill. Actually, I was goung for Stein prior to my friend Mel posting THIS: "Saying you'll vote third party because Clinton is the nominee is still opting-out of this election -- just with more work and an unearned sense of moral superiority."

Johnson- I just can't buy Libertarianism. I mean I want to because in a way it lets loose a bit of the Anarchist in me. But I'd go for Paul over Johnson.

(no subject)
In July 2012 I was hired to work at a callcenter, which was the best thing that could happen to me. I made friends, had supportive coaches, and rebuilt my self esteem. In time, I also met my now boyfriend of 3.5 years. I had a good experience there, to the point where even after taking a better paying job in my field, I still miss it some days. The people there were like a family.

Yesterday, basically 80% of the workforce was laid off- including all of the coaches but one. They may be rehired in a few months, but my actual first manager, who had been there almost 12 years, was let go so his boss could still have a job. Almost all 8 of the higher managers who were let go have been there since the site first opened and are getting severence pay.

If I didn't have my current job, I would have been laid off, possibly without unemployment. My boyfriend only has a job because he advocated for himself to get into a different program before the storm hit. Otherwise he'd have severence pay as well.

It's hard to stomach that the people who did so much for us are all back at square one, and that I could have been one of them.

Losing it.
I wish there was something useful in the job market I was good at. A fucking skill.

I'm horribly mediocre at everything. I am trying to fix the mistakes I am making but I am just making them worse.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I want you to read this.

I want you to read this article.

I want you to read this. I want you to be as murderously outraged as I am. I want you to understand the depth of what happened here. All of it. I want you to do something for me.


If you know a woman you give a shit about... Your mom, your sister, your lady friend, your daughter.

I want you to talk about how truly horrible this is. That someone's professional career was destroyed, defamed, and ruined on LIES by a rich man & his rich dad & some other people. That doing the right thing and not backing down did nothing for her except cement that her word wasn't as good as his, and what's worse, that no matter what, she was done being able to live her life by her terms. Meanwhile, he's still selling books, making millions, and this shit is still being referred to as alleged.

It's not alleged. It happened. And no one cared.

This isn't a little bit of dirt or some college bender. This is some targeted offensive.

You're going to hear her called a lot of things and read a lot of blow-off and hear things from people you previously considered intellegent. If you are within earshot of this, please say something.

Finally, I am having a really hard time with the NFL right now. I love football, I LOVE IT. I want someone at the NFL to do something about this. Please. I want them to make a statement that this is beyond wrong. Because if they don't, it speaks volumes.


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