Usually the second of the month I'll feel myself up. Usually.
I slacked off and didn't since I think September? October? Not sure. I had to do housing inspections today so I jumped in the shower and realized something didnt feel right.
There's a lump, it feels hard, and it feels like the size of a nickel-quarter. It's hard to tell. I've had false-positives before but nothibg this big; this feels different.
I called the dr and am getting a mammogram on 2/22. I should have an answer before 3/7. I told Jason but not my parents. They know something's bothering me but havent pushed too hard.
The rational part of me knows it's nothing, probably nothing, don't need to worry. But sometimes things happened throughout the week that have just hit me hard.
We're looking to move in together this summer, which scares me. I've never lived with someone, as a couple. I'm scared I'll run. Running is safe.
I started sorting things so come June or whever moving won't suck as much and I started crying. All these yeats I've been giving my mom a hard time over how much shit she has, how she borderline hoards, and I look at my apartment and how much I have, how much would need to be sorted & packed when something happens to me, and it was hard to swallow that.
I mentally steeled myself for Jason's future- he's older than me by 6 years and he smokes roughly a pack a day. There isn't exactly guesswork involved to see how that will end. I came to terms with that likely reality. I didn't think how the reverse might go.