Half & Half

a day in the life of a college radio & politics junkie.

The long trail... To the long trail.
As part of an exercise at work a few months ago, I had to make a bucket list. I could have bullshat the thing, but I took it seriously. One of thw big things was end to end hiking the long trail in Vt. I know a little bit of the trail in that every other Thursday I went drinking with friends in Killington at the Long Trail Inn. Great food, great staff, great Guinness.

My job gives me two weeks of PTO come July. Even in like supergirl strength shape it'd take 3 weeks. So end to end in one fell swoop aint gonna happen. Im also nowhere near in shape. I did start a punch card at the local "gym" taking asskicking classes, which feels awesome, not gonna lie, but it will take a while to get there. I may never be where the long trail wants me to be- my goal weight is 220 and i probably am gonna want to be closer to 144, where i -should- be for my height.

Because Im an idiot, i want to hike it Southbound. The north half is a real thundertwunt with ladders, huge mountains, and very isolated. Im starting to plan it out, but it's looking like I'd be taking a day for each section of trail-ish and spreading it over weekends.

To prepare in addition to the working out, Acadia looks like the best place to really get used to that kind of hiking. I know where my PTO is going this summer.

I've come to the frustrating conclusion that it's gonna be HRC.

I don't like her. I like her more than I did a few years ago, but I really do not like her. As Secretary of State you have to be a master negotiator, a strategist, and work well with the international community. I see her being able to do that well.

The fact is that the rest of the world thinks we're fucking nuts because of Trump. Do you blame them? Having a President that actually has diplomatic overseas experience and isn't a racist fucktard would be a plus.

The Republicans that should be pulling ahead with fresh ideas are not. That said, the caucuses will show ua the real people's victors for each party.

I love Bernie. I feel the Bern. I want Enter Sandman to happen. But I also know how much of a fuckjob getting anything through the house & senate has been because of all the red. You think Obama had a hard time, they'll blockade the fuck outta the Berninator.

I'll caucus for Bernie. I've sent donations & will keep doing so. But if the candidate is HRC then I'll vote for her, much as I don't want a bank loving, barely liberal candidate tied to the 90's.

The Republicans need people like Marsha Blackburn and the Democrats need people like Elizabeth Warren to run next time.

It's not that I don't want a female president- I'd love one. The more blatant sexism I see in life and in the media the more angry I get. I love female supremicy. I just wish it wasn't Hillary running. I just want someone more liberal, more blue, more not-old-blood in the race. Basically, I want another Obama.

2015 & the next great adventure, if there is one.
2015 was amazing.
I stopped working at a callcenter & now have a city job in housing. I dont know how i had that luck. My comment when 2015 started was that i was going to make my own luck. It feels good to be able to eat AND pay basic bills. I finally got internet AND (basic 22 channels) cable. i got approved for a credit card after 11 years. I also lost the most important thing: Rose.

She was with me through the worst part of my life & some dark times. She left quietly. I miss her & feel like my best friend is gone. I brought Misty home in mid-November, a quiet cuddler who sticks her tongue out & forgets it's there.

I made a bucket list. I started saving for retirement. I opened a safe deposit box.

Jason's work is less in-demand this time of year. He is happy at his job & doesnt plan to leave or change it despite the growing debts.

He isnt big on road trips, which is good because the dual ADD personality dating is a nightmare. But i worry sometimes if he is upset i dont invite him on some roadtrips.

I want to do some island hopping this spring or fall. Deer Isle. Indian Island. Orr's Island. Peaks Island. See more of Lincoln & Knox Counties.

Trying to make plans to see the Bruins with Cathy. I feel bad we fell out of touch. Working a shitty job for shitty pay three years meant not getting to do much traveling.

I got a copy of my credit report for free off Credit Karma & should have it where I want to be by December. The half hour in ice & snow commute sucks but the rent & location of my little corner of the universe is worth it. It's also been a quiet winter.

Ive lost 10 lbs doing south beach diet, but fell off the wagon last month. I hate their food; Im constantly hungry. I'm going to go back on it on 1/13 & try to stick with it as much as i can until October.

I havent discussed us living together in about 5 months. The financial situation & the new job just dont make this the right time. Oddly, jason's father was in town & i dont know what the man said, but that night Jason said the love word & confirmed cohabitation was go for future.

I still cannot get a foot in the door at the local radio station. Ten years of applying for jobs there, wtf do I need to do?

I signed up for a punchcard at the local fitness center. They have some fun classes from 5-6 am Mon-Wednesday. I am not fond of the whole getting up at 4 am, but it means i go to work early instead of having to stay late. If i like it I may commit to a month membership. For their offerings the prices are good.

I will have 2 weeks pto banked ad of 7/1. I am going to put in a few days in July for vacation with Jason, a day in March to see Deer Tick in Portland, and a day in June for Maine Fiber Fest. I'm going to hoard the rest for the last week of September to go to Vermont.

(no subject)
It's been three years.
Tell me you love me. I want to hear it.
Please tell me before it hits year five. If you don't know if you love me after 5 years, I don't know

It's my birthday.
Do you know who wished me a happy birthday? Go on, guess.
Three of my four exes. YOUR MOM. Not you.
You're my fucking neighbor. You're my fucking BOYFRIEND. I loan you $40.00 a week, every week, the last month because your hours at work are being cut & I care.

You own a phone. You have a calendar. You are older than 10 years old. You have the ability to remember your girlfriend's birthday.

I'm trying really hard not to be hurt on this one... I don't think I ask for a lot from you. But I turned 30, and it would have been nice if you appeared to give a fuck.

Misty Kitty
I never wished I didn't have feelings until I lost Rose.

I went to the humane society last week, because when you're a fucking mess and you just need to hug a cat that's not there, there's about 40 that would love hugs. I hugged all of them that would tolerate it. Narrowed it down to 3, and went home.
This week I swing by & the cat I was going to bring home got adopted (yay!)... and there was a 10 year old. Who the fuck dumps a 10 year old cat? She's part boa constrictor & wrapped herself around me like a living scarf. It was pretty clear she misses whoever dumped her. There were other younger, cuter cats, but I kept going back to her because people don't adopt 10 year old cats. They get 1 or 2 year olds or kittens.

I wasn't going to get another cat, because that was hard, and it still is. No cat can ever replace Rose. But I figure I can miss Rose, and this cat can miss her heartless scumbag family, and we can be less sad & grieve together.

I need to find a job for people who are antisocial.

I thought I was a people person. I like to help people, and I always felt like that's what I'm supposed to do, as a purpose. I used to be a people person.

I realized today every damn job wants an extrovert. I forced myself to become enough of one at work the last several years. I don't dislike my job, I just don't think I'm a people person much anymore. Maybe callcenter work ruined me.

I'm starting to think I need a job AWAY from the public. Only problem is, I cant find many.

I look at forum posts and they talk about diagnosing why you are antisocial. Why the fuck does it matter why? Maybe you just are done with people. Those forums talk about psychosis, autism, aspergers, avoidant social disorders... I don't have a damn disorder. I just don't want to interact with people as much as possible. There isn't anything wrong with not being a people person.

frozen fractals
Once upon a time there was a girl who knew what she wanted and loved roadtrips, adventures, being spontaneous, and was full of passion. She wasn't scared of the future and ran headlong into a wild adventure.

She noticed her energy and happiness seemed to dwindle every year, more and more, but just figured it was age or boredom.
Then she got labwork done and had surgery, and found out why the energy & happiness was so out of whack.

Then she fucked up at life. And the fear came. She went into survival mode. And stayed there for a few years. Passion got replaced by self preservation. Roadtrips because replaced with overtime.

I want that original girl back. I used to be so fearless, but now I'm scared of everything. I hate it.

I have so much more to lose now.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: A Christmas Story.
J's neighbors are drug addled scum suckers and he's been looking to gtfo for months. They're talking pills and bath salts. His landlord has been trying to get them out. This is old news.

Back in June, I had the misfortune of meeting one of them. Hearing these weirdos could kill the mood fast, and finally "Dogface" came by pounding on the door saying her bf had broken her hand & beat her up, and she needed a ride to town. I was a sucker, gave her the benefit of the doubt, and gave her a lift to where she wanted to go. (J came with since he was worried for my safety.) The next weekend we went to Waterville to see his father and Haley, and after a lovely day went to kiss when Dogface arrived on cue to see if I'd play taxi. I told her no and went home, kissless. Dogface made the comment to J some time later, "I don't think your girlfriend likes me,"which is an understatement. I kind of forgot about the twat until November.

J came home one night to find some items rearranged in his place. He was uneasy and decided in April or tax time we'd move in together and be happy. I'd be not commuting and he'd be safe. This was our plan. We were happy because we'd be working together, living together, and building our relationship. We make a good team.

On Tuesday morning, j looked like hell. When we got to work, he broke the news: someone broke into his apartment while he was at work. They stole his magic cards ($150 worth), his phone, xbox, all his video games fox xbox and DVDs, his DS games but two, his flash drive, cash, old checkbooks, and his TV. That TV was through rent-a-center. J's last payment was to be tomorrow. He was beside himself and just devastated. While most items could be replaced, J had spent over a year on Borderlands 2 for xbox. The flash drive was a limited edition of a favorite webcomic character. He played magic since he was a kid and spent decades building his card decks. His peace of mind and any last traces of a secure feeling were gone. The one thing they didnt get was his 3DS& pokemon game. He had brought it to work. He filed a police report, and it's an ongoing investigation. We know it was Dogface based on evidence.

He found a one bedroom in town and is taking it, hopefully moving in before January. I am thankful he will be SAFE and not at that shithole anymore. But I am also furled with violent rage that this woman I did a good deed for paid us back by fucking him up the ass after she & the rest of the toxic waste there killed our Superhappyfuntimes efforts for the last 6 months. Jesus forgives but sometimes I don't.

It's been awhile since I've gone & fucked things up just like I always do.
It's been awhile.

I haven't been on here in a while because my life has been a series of rinse & repeat, but that will change soon enough. More on that in a few weeks.

I applied for & got a promotion at work for QA. It has its moments but I like it mostly. I now am on the day shift, so I am now conscious when you all are. I like having a usable second half of my day but I miss the atmosphere and perks of night shift. There were a lot of them.

I am saving for a car seriously now. The rocker panels are rotting. The bug will not pass inspection again. I am also working on applying to UMFK in the fall. There are some certifications I want.

I will have been dating Jason for five months. I am happy. It is different but it is good. More on that later.

I almost moved, but due to a few things occurring at the same time, I will be in Ashland for another year. The car and my job are my priorities. I have a fifth saved; I need to stay in the $4500.00 range.

Anime, manga, D&D, comic books, and cosplay.
Spring, eventually, will get its fat fucking arse out the door at some point. I feel like every spring I get more geekery minded.

Anime: coworker is trying to get me to watch excel excel. Its apparently mindfucking like FLCL so I'm in. Shes also into samurai so I'm sure that will rub off. Since FMA & Fujiko Mine are both done, Baccano was short, and Naruto is taking forever to catch up, I'm looking forwards to finding some favorites. I saw Genshiken with Ryan in October & loved it, tried Comic Party & hated it, and hulu stopped letting me watch Spice & Wolf. Grrrrr.

Manga : Still enjoying reading Naruto- finally getting back to interesting, and Spice & Wolf is still nice.

Comics: I reread my Thor graphic novels and fell back in love with him again. I also rewatched the movie Sunday, and in some ways its my favorite of the marvel movies. Its the most emotional, I think, because you see his emotions. He starts as a pretty loathed guy, but you want to cry when hes hauling on the hammer with no luck. And the end, when hes gazing down with love? D'awwww. I feel like its such a love story, and with so much moral fiber to it.

D&D: coworker lent me a Gamma World book to read over. Its a fascinating game in that if you can imagine it, it can happen. Very cool.

Cosplay: Ryan & I are spending the end of June in Fredericton at a convention, so I'm working on putting together a fujiko mine costume, which means thrift store whoring for a 70s style black shirt, with any luck.

Nothing new really. Trying to finish several sweaters to make room for fiber fest looting this year. I also started a blanket that is a huge stash busting project. I applied for a job in Rockland that would be glorious- I don't think I have a chance in hell since they probably have someone in mind but the worst they can say is no.


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